My Problem With | SNOG MARRY AVOID (originally posted April 2013)

I suppose I have to start this first blog post by confessing the most irritating, confusing and conflicting part of my general self: something that I, Charlotte Clarissa Baker, will now admit live on the internet:

I love reality tv

I LOVE IT

Until death.

Big Brother, The Kardashians (plus any spin off, TOWIE, Rachel Zoe, Made in Chelsea, The Real Housewives of ANYWHERE (In order of favs: Atlanta, Orange County, New York, Beverly Hills, Toronto), anything about New Jersey, and any other random documentary about unusual people or habits (I particularly liked the Channel 4 one about dogging the other week- those weird masks D:)

I’m an addict. One of the many (many, many, many) things I don’t understand about the world is snobbery towards reality TV. While shows like The Walking Dead and Homeland are heralded by everyone who’s holy as inspired, with interesting believable characters and relatable themes- I just don’t understand how fantasy measures up to the real thing. I don’t find Hollywood attractive. I don’t want polished toned women walking about with clean bouncy hair and men with rugged good looks and crafted biceps in the midst of a three year zombie Apocalypse.  I want them to all become malnourished and die horribly of scurvy and body lice. That’s just how I am. 

BUT

©BBC

My latest interest- Snog Marry Avoid- is a confusing one for me. While I appreciate TV that involves observing those who dress and act different to me (TOWIE, Jersey Shore) I understand that is as far as it goes- they are different. That is what is interesting, and I suppose the reason why I sat down to watch SMA (Snog Marry Avoid – I’m going to shorten it to that now because I’m getting bored of typing it out).

I have had problems with BBC three in the past, I think some of the programming has a strange agenda: Don’t just stand there… I’m having your baby! (“I don’t want to watch when the baby comes out of your arse”- classic line) which creates general fear of pregnancy and contempt for young parents. Bluestone 42- because the war in Afghanistan is funny; and Barely Legal Drivers- making both new and old drivers terrified of the newly passed (who-from my experience- are the most careful. They’ve only just got that shit).

I take SMA to be aimed at beauty-conscious girls who like looking at those who take the idea of what is beautiful a little too far. The ‘War on Fakery’ as SMA puts it so eloquently is interesting because it is aimed squarely at common people. The lovely Ellie takes to the streets of (mostly northern) ordinary towns - Newcastle, Liverpool, Manchester - satirises the local trends, and then shoves the people into a white box in which their every aesthetic decision is questioned by her putting on a funny voice in the form of POD. 

Mainstream media outlets (TV series, Hollywood films, Magazines) aimed at the beauty conscious public feature a barrage of doctored (fake) images containing celebrities wearing very little clothing, with glorious St Tropez tans and a wedge of MAC pro longwear. So why the double standards?

Snog marry avoid tells us:

A: Celebrities are on a magazine cover for thousands to see. Dressing like that for a night out in Leeds is simply revolting and will make you look like a prostitute- which is why Snog Marry Avoid will turn you from 'slapper' ‘street walker’ or ‘wench’ back into a viable member of society.

B: Celebrities obviously need to attract attention to the magazines through their lack of clothing and sculpted buttocks to make MONEY. Mere mortals wanting attention in the streets is desperate, unsightly- and prostitute-y.

C:They are wearing expensive makeup/clothing. A Dolce black lacy bra and knicker set is massively different to a Primark black lacy bra and knicker set- ew. Cheap makeup that was either not applied by a trained professional or matched by a specialist is wrong. Poor people will be barefaced or wear minimal makeup at all times. 

D: The same goes for fake tan. Body sculpting St Tropez or nothing- peasant. 

E: If you have not DARED to lose that extra protecting and insulating layer of fat around your middle, because you have a life, or the human instinct to eat, you MUST NOT wear said black lacy bra top in public. That is wrong. Or even if you have, you are only allowed to expose yourself after you make over 100k a year.

But it isn't all bad, the general concept of Snog Marry Avoid is one I can get behind. Making women drop insecurities and accept themselves and their looks without spending so much time and money is commendable- I just have a problem with the showboating them around like they’re a godless freak for doing the same as every heralded pop cultural figure of our time. 

I also have a problem with the effect of calling any woman a 'slapper' on national television- but that's a whole other blog post

                                                                     

What do you think?! let me know in the comments  vvv

BAKER 

xoxoxo